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Ankle Modeling, Tom Cruise, and The Best Way to Lose Weight Fast

Ankle Modeling, Tom Cruise, and The Best Way to Lose Weight Fast

My occasional Fitness Filibuster, where I discuss weight loss, life issues and always a bit of nonsensical fun.

Musings on Top Gun and The Best Diet to Lose Weight Fast

I need to throw a few words up on this wall today. It's good for the fingers. They haven't been exercised in a while. Or tap danced, like I'm doing here. When the fingers don't move often enough they can get sloppy. They don't look good in a tank top when they get out of shape. Where am I in the world right now? Los Angeles. If you haven't been here, don't bother. The traffic is horrendous. And you can't walk anywhere. Unless you go out of your way to find it, the only exercise you get is in your right foot- transitioning from gas pedal to brake all to frequently. It's like a one-footed step class. Too bad you don't burn many calories doing it or else everyone in LA would be in great shape. On the bright side, my right ankle is looking pretty toned. Do guys look at ankles? I'd kill it as an ankle model. Guy's would come up to me at parties and stare at my ankle all the time. I'd say "Hey.... up here!" and point to my face.

I'm living life in the fast lane today. Pilates at 9 AM and a little tennis at 11:30. I'm pretty dangerous, I guess. Like that scene from Top Gun where the Iceman, Val Kilmer snaps his teeth shut at the Maverick, Tom Cruise. Who wouldn't want to snap their teeth at Tom Cruise? I certainly would. I need to sweat more. I think everyone needs to sweat more, except for basketball players. I just caught a glimpse of basketball highlights and Lebron is sweating like he's sitting in the sauna. Good thing for his is he's making the guys on the other team sweat even more. Dontcha just feel great when you sweat- like you're really getting sh*t done. Like, I'm going to drop a few pounds today. Not just water weight, but actual body fat.

What's the best way to diet to lose weight fast? There's a lot of ways. It really just comes down to what you're interested in doing. if you're not engaged in the activity, you simply will not do what it takes to lose the weight. Because at the end of the day weight loss is about burning off the fat which is stored on your body. And you gotta move. And you gotta eat less calories. Not necessarily less food, but less calories than you're burning each day. There are so many theories out there about weight loss that are complete bunk. It always comes down to calories in versus calories out over a certain period of time. Like a week, or a month. That being said, there are may ways to accomplish this. That's what people don't get- all these diet and exercise programs you see advertised all take a different approach- low carb, low fat, more protein, more fiber, more vegetables, etc... but if it works, there's only one reason. Because you created a damn calorie deficit.

That's why I get sad when I see people stress out about which diet to follow to lose weight fast? Which exercise program is best for weight loss? The real question you should be asking yourself is- what is a fun and easy way I can lose weight, and what weight loss program is going to be compelling me to stick to it until I get to my goal weight- and not screw me up after I hit my weight loss goal.

A lot of diet books and programs try to make the whole process complicated, because they want to baffle us with bullsh*t. Because it sells. Because sometimes it's sexy (if you're attracted to the fancy, stylish, celebrity-driven angle), and sometimes it's scientific (think about all the diet pills and programs in the ads and TV with the old guy in the white coat pretending to be a doctor). In general all diet's can work- if you follow through. And, if they create a caloric deficit. You want to go low carb, and you enjoy eating the stuff that comes along with it? Bacon cheeseburgers and butter? Then go for it. You want to stay away from the fatty stuff and stick with a higher protein and carbohydrate type diet? Then go for it. You want to vary your diet and switch on and off between the two extremes? Go for it. You want to do something somewhere in the middle? Be my guest. You will lose weight, as long as your calories for the day come in less than you burn, over the course of time.

Now the question is how long is this period of time? Well, it depends. Sure, we love to have a concrete answer because it gives us certainty. But, you need to understand that having faith in your plan and taking action without having the need for certainty is where the true gold is. The period of time you need to lose 5 pounds will be different than the period of time it'll take to lose 30 or 50 pounds, obviously. But, the frame is still the same- burn more calories than you're taking in. How to we create a caloric deficit to lose weight? Focus on two things here. Movement, or what the ex-spurts call exercise. And diet- which of course is everything you stuff in your mouth. *Tsk Tsk* Don't get nasty, I'm talking food and drink. Focus on eating less total calories each day, and get your butt moving.

Take these two weight loss pillars for a spin. You wont regret it. It's actually pretty easy to lose weight fast. Don't get caught up in all the low carb, insulin, leptin, dairy, non-dairy, vegan, vegetarian, fake meat, real meat, beefcake, red velvet cake nonsense. Did I just mention red velevet cake? I sure did. Which somehow reminds me of some great videos made by Gary Vaynerchuk from Wine Library about what wine goes best with cereal. Really? Wine with cereal? Yup. Apparently it's pretty good. I haven't tried it, but Gary makes it interesting as sh*t. This guy is a wine expert and shows you how to train your palate with cherries and sweat socks stuff in the hamper for a week after your roommate wore them doing Tae Bo. Is that still around? I had that program like 15 or 20 years ago. It was one of the things that got me into fitness. Go figure.

You know what's a double-edged sword? Persistence. I got caught up watching some show about the main ingredient to success is being persistent. Good message right? I mean, you can't lose weight if you're not persistent. You can't win at anything in life if you're not persistent. But then I thought, the salesman at the gym is persistent, and I want to punch his face in because of it. I wonder if he watched the same program I watched?

You know what's a really good trick to lose weight fast? Sewage soup. You know how your brain is what controls everything you do right? Your imagination is pretty damn powerful. So, whenever you are about to eat you kind of romanticize what you're about to eat. For example, fi you're going to eat some pizza, you'll probably make some pictures in your head of how delectable it's going to be, The ooziness and saltiness of the cheese against the sweet tomatoey backgroup. The scent of the herbs and crunchy yet playfully pully crust. You salivate like Pavlov's dog. mmmmm. You're ready for some damn pizza. But, let's take this in a 180 direction. Let's say instead of romanticizing about pizza you make some pictures of sewage soup. In your mind, take a bowl you'd normally eat soup from and fill it with some of that liquid that collects at the bottom of a garbage bag from the back of a restaurant on a hot, humid day in August. There may be some milk and uncooked chicken parts. Hungry? Of course not. So, stupidly simple tip- fantasize from nasty sh*t when you want to mindlessly eat. Be persistent. Like, for a month or so. Then, tell me if the pounds aren't falling off.

Does that make sense? Yup. Does it make scents? It sure does. Does it make cents? Maybe if you parlay your weight loss into a modeling contract. That would be pretty sweet. So far I haven't had any takers on my being ankle-model, but didn't Colonel Sanders have to knock on like 1,001 doors 50 or 60 years ago before he got a yes? And we still eat that sh*t today. Cause it's damn good. And so damn bad. It's crazy how that works, isn't it? Speaking of cents, did you know a dime has 118 ridges? That's my 10 cents for today.

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